optimism lost
Moderators: Cleantone, harrymcq, Phrazz
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Guest
optimism lost
what do you do when you have several weeks of optimism and everything seems like it will work out and then the optimism is gone and you realize that despite a great attitude and outlook for an extended period of time, nothing has improved and there is a black hole staring you right in the face?
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chloe
- Lion on a Rock
- Posts: 91
- Joined: Fri Feb 17, 2006 2:32 am
- Location: what is time and space really?
wow.... yeah that's one of "those" questions... let me know if you come up with a definate answer... but i do dishes... lots of dishes.... i start washing things i haven't used in a while just to get the dust out of the bottom of the glasses.... i listen to music... this can be a double-edged sword.... so i recommend getting a playlist of stuff that makes you feel at least better together and putting that on repeat.... i know sleep is sooooo tempting.... but take a short walk.... call a friend.... write... do what it is that is that outlet.... i also cry.... a lot.... this helps me, but hey, i'm weird.... get a stupid movie you used to like like.... five years ago...... take yourself out to dinner... order in pizza.... cook.... do more dishes.... something about the sound and feel of the water maybe, maybe getting something small done, don't know what it is.... but it never makes me feel worse..... reread a favorite book.... do something drastic others think you're not capable of.... i decided to go back to school at one of my lowest points and it was the best drastic f&*K you world decision i've ever made.... do something with your hands, i knit, but that's kinda grandmaish.... so go to one of those pottery cafeish places and make a misshaped ashtray even if you don't smoke..... give yourself the kind of advice you give those you care about.... and just hold on.... and never give up hope.....
the black hole that follows total distruction looks an awful lot like the one that directly preceeds amazing creation.... i've had them confused a lot in my life and it's a daily task to remind myself of that.... i've seen the good as the bad and the bad as the good more than i'm proud of.... but take a closer look, take a deep breath..... do something good for yourself..... something good will come along and brighten it all up at some point....
another way to look at it is.... remember in summer.... you're outside for just about the whole day..... the sun's about to go down but it's still bright out..... a chill comes over bare arms and you decide to run in for a sweater.... you know how the whole well lit house can seem next to pitch black next to the brilliance of standing out in the sun for hours.... let your eyes adjust.... everything's not as dark as it seems seconds after stepping away from the fire..... granted.... move slow so you don't trip.... done that both literally and figuratively also more times than i'm proud of.... trust me though.... it'll be ok....
the black hole that follows total distruction looks an awful lot like the one that directly preceeds amazing creation.... i've had them confused a lot in my life and it's a daily task to remind myself of that.... i've seen the good as the bad and the bad as the good more than i'm proud of.... but take a closer look, take a deep breath..... do something good for yourself..... something good will come along and brighten it all up at some point....
another way to look at it is.... remember in summer.... you're outside for just about the whole day..... the sun's about to go down but it's still bright out..... a chill comes over bare arms and you decide to run in for a sweater.... you know how the whole well lit house can seem next to pitch black next to the brilliance of standing out in the sun for hours.... let your eyes adjust.... everything's not as dark as it seems seconds after stepping away from the fire..... granted.... move slow so you don't trip.... done that both literally and figuratively also more times than i'm proud of.... trust me though.... it'll be ok....
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Guest
thanks for the advice everyone, even bitchtits...forward is the only way to go. accept the uncertainty and dive right into the deathly darkness that is tomorrow.
i suppose 'this too shall pass' is a very simple but important thing to remember, both in good times and bad.
i fall into old bad habits and sink into a pit of self loathing. it's easy to feel as though everyone else is off living their life in a world much brighter and rewarding than my own.
it's somewhat comforting to know that others experience similar loneliness in their own worlds. breathtakingly distant as our individual worlds are (and must be, at least earthly), maybe by confiding in each other's troubles in silence or in prayer or in whichever means suit you best, we can raise our collective spirit(s).
i suppose 'this too shall pass' is a very simple but important thing to remember, both in good times and bad.
i fall into old bad habits and sink into a pit of self loathing. it's easy to feel as though everyone else is off living their life in a world much brighter and rewarding than my own.
it's somewhat comforting to know that others experience similar loneliness in their own worlds. breathtakingly distant as our individual worlds are (and must be, at least earthly), maybe by confiding in each other's troubles in silence or in prayer or in whichever means suit you best, we can raise our collective spirit(s).
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chloe
- Lion on a Rock
- Posts: 91
- Joined: Fri Feb 17, 2006 2:32 am
- Location: what is time and space really?
without turning this into a confessional and or therapy session....
lonely..... most times easiest while "surrounded" by those close to you. much easier if you find yourself good company. totally different from being alone.... possible to be both, also possible to be alone and not lonely. also seperate from missing someone/thing. hardest on either side of sleep. like many things a frame of mind (not saying it's one of those turn those frown upside down things, really not that simple as i've found it). something i know and hence something i have willingly retreated into (better familiar and kinda awful than uncertain and possibly good). and a whole lot of other really general stuff that may or may not help.
i just think it's really good that you at least know what you are passing through. if you don't even know a bad habit is there, you'd never be able to change it.... see.... that's where i have to interupt the deathly darkness and stuff, cause trust me, oh trust me... i have stood right on the edge there and felt how that darkness can totally obliterate any good thought or ray of hope you've ever held on to in times past.... devistating isn't a good enough word.... if it's possible for a soul to feel like a vacuum.... for every breath to smell sour somehow, every color seem garish.... yeah..... but seriously, it took years of waking up every morning anyway when i had to to literally hold on to one good experience, to convince myself that if one good thing could be, then more could be some day..... and it was well worth it.
and i'd laugh at you if you thought this kind of optomistic advice meant that this morning was an easy one, that things are resolved and perfect and planned and bright ahead.... but i had an ice cream sundae today..... and i did all of my dishes save the two coffee cups on my coffee table.... hell.... i have a coffee table.... that's gotta count for something, even if it's in my own head..... and i just had some of the best days of my life in the midst of my own optomism filled weeks.... and boston is grey and rainy this week.... and cold.... and after coming in from the sun i'm waiting for my eyes to adjust..... but my dishes are done....
lonely..... most times easiest while "surrounded" by those close to you. much easier if you find yourself good company. totally different from being alone.... possible to be both, also possible to be alone and not lonely. also seperate from missing someone/thing. hardest on either side of sleep. like many things a frame of mind (not saying it's one of those turn those frown upside down things, really not that simple as i've found it). something i know and hence something i have willingly retreated into (better familiar and kinda awful than uncertain and possibly good). and a whole lot of other really general stuff that may or may not help.
i just think it's really good that you at least know what you are passing through. if you don't even know a bad habit is there, you'd never be able to change it.... see.... that's where i have to interupt the deathly darkness and stuff, cause trust me, oh trust me... i have stood right on the edge there and felt how that darkness can totally obliterate any good thought or ray of hope you've ever held on to in times past.... devistating isn't a good enough word.... if it's possible for a soul to feel like a vacuum.... for every breath to smell sour somehow, every color seem garish.... yeah..... but seriously, it took years of waking up every morning anyway when i had to to literally hold on to one good experience, to convince myself that if one good thing could be, then more could be some day..... and it was well worth it.
and i'd laugh at you if you thought this kind of optomistic advice meant that this morning was an easy one, that things are resolved and perfect and planned and bright ahead.... but i had an ice cream sundae today..... and i did all of my dishes save the two coffee cups on my coffee table.... hell.... i have a coffee table.... that's gotta count for something, even if it's in my own head..... and i just had some of the best days of my life in the midst of my own optomism filled weeks.... and boston is grey and rainy this week.... and cold.... and after coming in from the sun i'm waiting for my eyes to adjust..... but my dishes are done....
advice in the midst of despair
I see you are also giving yourself some options, and I have felt similar things (despair, lonliness, mood swings, frustration with people, etc). I have realized sometimes it's hard work to find the people you want to be with, and they might be far away. It may be even harder to find the "cool people" (the ones that fit our ideas of "coolness" or social acceptibility) in certain scenes and under certain circumstances. Moving or traveling usually helps, but sometimes that's not as easy and it's not the only answer. Joining various social organizations may work if those people share other "fun" characteristics (you like)...but they can also be devoid of compassion or interesting thought (though less of a chance if it's a good cause).
I just returned from JazzFest, which was the best therapy imaginable, in every way. I hung out with a couple I met from Jamcruise who just packed up and moved to New Orleans, and are loving life. Before that, they were immensely frustrated with the shallowness of people in their local environments (not from lack of trying, they are very social). I also find people who are like-minded rather easily, but not everywhere. Some environments are just nasty when it comes to finding "real people". I would say that New Orleans is more social than most...perhaps of all the cities in the US I have visited, the most friendly. That's worthy of investigation...and there are other "highly social" environments which I will guarantee will provide therapy.
Music of course cures many things, but more if you are "connected" (then you feel protected). This can be fleeting, unless you join a band. But that also is an opportunity and there are many other ways to help with the musical cause. I can imagine that supporting a community as large as JazzFest would require many full-time jobs.
Grey and rainy sucks, unless you're a plant or a flower. And frogs need love, too. But over time, that gets old, which doubles the requirement for a sunny climate (even for just a few days). I also feel that taking a week or two (or more) off every year and just going on an adventure (big trip, best if it involves beaches or mountains...or both) is absolutely necessary. I'm impressed by those who can survive on weekend excursions (solely), but the demands of life involve much more unwinding than that.
Throw away your TV, too. And I know you know how to cook, but it's better to make meals for other people. There's great enjoyment in doing normal things out of the normal routine. It is possible to have at least one good experience every day (with some practice)...but some people don't even know what's good for them, so at least you have a head start.
I would also say most adventures are a good thing, even they aren't all positive. Even getting stuck on the road can suck, but you can meet good people that way. You also learn more about who your true friends are during hard times than when life is warm and sunny.
Since I can't change the weather (without a lot of chemicals and a large plane), I can only suggest to spend some time in a museum or indoor gardens. Movies are also a good way to "escape locally" and of course there are all kinds of comedy stops, poetry readings and such, but I know you're also very busy with literary pursuits for school, so it might be better to get outside the pages and into something 3-D for a while (sculpture, crafts, etc).
Another way to feel good about yourself is do something good for someone else, no matter how small or trivial it might seem. If you can do good for others as a way of life, even better! If you can start something good that outlives yourself, perhaps that is the noblest goal of all!
-Phrazz
I just returned from JazzFest, which was the best therapy imaginable, in every way. I hung out with a couple I met from Jamcruise who just packed up and moved to New Orleans, and are loving life. Before that, they were immensely frustrated with the shallowness of people in their local environments (not from lack of trying, they are very social). I also find people who are like-minded rather easily, but not everywhere. Some environments are just nasty when it comes to finding "real people". I would say that New Orleans is more social than most...perhaps of all the cities in the US I have visited, the most friendly. That's worthy of investigation...and there are other "highly social" environments which I will guarantee will provide therapy.
Music of course cures many things, but more if you are "connected" (then you feel protected). This can be fleeting, unless you join a band. But that also is an opportunity and there are many other ways to help with the musical cause. I can imagine that supporting a community as large as JazzFest would require many full-time jobs.
Grey and rainy sucks, unless you're a plant or a flower. And frogs need love, too. But over time, that gets old, which doubles the requirement for a sunny climate (even for just a few days). I also feel that taking a week or two (or more) off every year and just going on an adventure (big trip, best if it involves beaches or mountains...or both) is absolutely necessary. I'm impressed by those who can survive on weekend excursions (solely), but the demands of life involve much more unwinding than that.
Throw away your TV, too. And I know you know how to cook, but it's better to make meals for other people. There's great enjoyment in doing normal things out of the normal routine. It is possible to have at least one good experience every day (with some practice)...but some people don't even know what's good for them, so at least you have a head start.
I would also say most adventures are a good thing, even they aren't all positive. Even getting stuck on the road can suck, but you can meet good people that way. You also learn more about who your true friends are during hard times than when life is warm and sunny.
Since I can't change the weather (without a lot of chemicals and a large plane), I can only suggest to spend some time in a museum or indoor gardens. Movies are also a good way to "escape locally" and of course there are all kinds of comedy stops, poetry readings and such, but I know you're also very busy with literary pursuits for school, so it might be better to get outside the pages and into something 3-D for a while (sculpture, crafts, etc).
Another way to feel good about yourself is do something good for someone else, no matter how small or trivial it might seem. If you can do good for others as a way of life, even better! If you can start something good that outlives yourself, perhaps that is the noblest goal of all!
-Phrazz
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chloe
- Lion on a Rock
- Posts: 91
- Joined: Fri Feb 17, 2006 2:32 am
- Location: what is time and space really?
oh my god i love all of you guys..... phrazz.... i've received some golden words from you and it's nice to see you chime in with some golden advice and specks of wisdom, didn't know that about new orleans.... and good to hear jazzfest was what it should have been, i had faith, but nice to hear.... but just in case you mistook my ponderings on the weather as something that's gotten me down.... i don't like being cold, but it doesn't bother me like it used to, and otherwise, the well lit interior of my own head is a reeeallllly good place these days, just trying to give some experiential info that may or may not help our guest.... it's hard to write about hard times and dark days without sounding like you're in them..... and it was sunny by the end of today, so whatever, weather changes, and so does life, and, i think you'll agree, everyday stuff does look drab next to a davis run...... comforting, love it, just kinda drab at first....... who knows, maybe it's similarly grey in said guests locale, which i don't know, except if klue does sleep-post for real in which case i can find out..... it's just made me glad to see so much of a chorus of 'it's okay, we lived through dark times'.... good to be on the other side of them....... ok... much love, enjoy the evening.... no more sleep posting.... 
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Guest
Felt like I had to bump this thread cause . . .
I little over a year ago I made a mistake, asked for the opportunity to try again, and proceeded to forget what I did cause
i couldn't deal.
I must not be as horrible as I feel cause last month the universe graciously provided me a redo. 'Cept instead of doing it right, I screwed up evan worse.
I don't know who I am, I can't trust myself and I can't as for anything cause I might get it.
tryin' to Look Up with downcast eyes,
-Barak_
I little over a year ago I made a mistake, asked for the opportunity to try again, and proceeded to forget what I did cause
i couldn't deal.
I must not be as horrible as I feel cause last month the universe graciously provided me a redo. 'Cept instead of doing it right, I screwed up evan worse.
I don't know who I am, I can't trust myself and I can't as for anything cause I might get it.
tryin' to Look Up with downcast eyes,
-Barak_
Keep Lookin' Up for Ever